Update and so long

Maia is doing very well. She had a check up about a month ago, and her heart rate was at 140, which is practically in the normal range. She still has an arrhythmia, and still needs lots of meds, but she is doing very well. I'm hoping for a few months more with her, and I'll be glad to have more than that. As long as she's feeling good and happy in the dog way, I'm thankful for whatever time we have.

And. I think I'm finished with the blog thing. I find I have less and less to say, and fewer reasons to disturb the silence of the universe.

I've wondered if there was a Horton out there to hear my yop, and I've been happy to hear from some. I hope that my experiences with my medically challenged, humongous fluffiga sweetheart of a pup has helped other dog moms and dads.

I'm not sure how long they'll keep the site up if there's no action, but I figure one less blog will make way for better voices. For now, I will take my sweet pup for her walk.

xxoo,
jenn

business

as in being busy, the busy-ness of life. Maia is doing so well, it's hard to see her sickness. today was much warmer than usual, up to mid-60's, and her afternoon walk was a bit warm, I think. She took a while to cool down and slow down her breathing. The coolest part of the day is the morning, so we'll start taking *ugh* morning walks.

I have never been a morning exerciser. I've tried, with all good intentions, to get up extra early for a jog or a walk or a swim. I just love my warm bed. I hurt in the morning. I'm sleepy after I exercise. My shoes are too far away. Just 5 more minutes.

If anything can drag my sorry buttocks out of a warm comfy bed and get these creaking joints out on the road, it's the knowledge that it's good for pup.

Plus I'm in school again, plus I'm doing more stage combat training, plus I'm pushing my workouts to get ready for weapons renewals. Plus spring is springing and I Have Garden Plans! Plus I'm old and slow.

Maia's going to love the morning walks.

pupdate!

the pup is doing pretty well. I've been focusing on getting her eating/meds schedule down, and honestly, I've been afraid to post anything for fear her good health would change. Blogs can be intimidating that way, fo r me, anyway - I want to have good news, always. And so I do, mostly, luckily.

I had thought that I wouldn't take her back to the U Vet, because it's so scary for her. She's been so strong lately, though, that I think it'll be ok, if I can keep her visit simple. They do like to do the tests. Hours and hours of waiting, testing, conferring - I just want to get her in, check her over, take the blood, and out. We'll see if that happens.

Spring is taking its sweet time, as usual. I have a new feeder for the finches, and they've finally discovered it! Juncos and black-capped chickadees are loving it too. I've been feeding all my critters this year, and I think it's paid off. I feed the squirrels corn, and the rabbits get alphalfa pellets, resulting in my shrubs not being nibbled to bits! And I have suet for the woodpeckers, adn sunflower seeds for the jays and cardinals, and mix for everyone else. It's a regular Old Country Buffet. Without the fried okra.

hopeful news

Maia's blood culture came back clear! That means she did not have an infection in her heart, which means her heart isn't as damaged as they thought, which means she has a much longer prognosis, more like 6 to 12 months, which means I'm a very thankful mom. She still gets a good handful of pills every day of her life, plus her Addison meds, and I'm working on finding the best online vet drug sites for the best prices. I was squeaking by before, but I'll figure out how to get her meds somehow.

I'm just so thankful she has more healthy time than we first thought. I'm determined to make whatever time we have with her as happy as we can.

She teaches me so much. She only sees today, now, this minute. There's no tomorrow in her mind, so there's no worrying. She only wants to be with the people and creatures she loves. She loves completely and without any judgement or agenda. She revels in the pleasures of her life: eating, sleeping, scritches, walks, patroling, cuddles. Life is beautifully simple.

She is beautiful.

god jul

Not really celebrating this year. Dear sweet Maia-pup has been diagnosed with heart failure, probably endocarditis, an infection in the heart itself. The house is now covered in meds and research and things to treat shaved spots. Maia's health will be a rollercoaster. Her vet says that she could live for weeks or months, and she is doing well for now.

Last week, I came home from visiting my brother, and saw that pup's belly was big, too big. She has an hour-glass figure, and she was filled out to a pear shape. She also had a cough, a hard, percussive panting that just sounded off. I called the vet, and they had me bring her in, fearing bloat. After an x-ray, they saw that it was not bloat, but her heart was enlarged, and her abdomen was filled with fluid. The fluid was pushing on her lungs and organs, putting huge stress on them.

We raced to the University Vet where we'd been for her Addison's diagnosis and countless other visits. Into the ER, her heart rate was 260, she was shocky, and they started treatment. Everything blurred, I waited for the vet to come back with more information.

Heart failure. Into ICU for more tests and stabilization. Typically a very shortened life. Lots of meds. I could visit that evening.

When I came back, they gave me an update. They had drained 4.4 liters of fluid from her belly. Her mitral valve was damaged. She had a fever, so it was most probably endocarditis, and an even shorter prognosis: weeks, maybe a month or two. She is 8, a senior citizen. I gave my permission for do not resuscitate. This was real.

I sat with her at her cage in ICU that first night. She was hooked up to monitors and tubes, her coat was a patchwork of shaved spots so the machines could do their work. She felt so bad. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, trying to bring her back.

I spoke with Dr. M about how important it was for her to have quality of life. Will she have her life back? Will she enjoy food and walks and naps and barking at the world again? Dr. M said that at that point, there was still hope. The next day or two would tell us.

When I visited her, after that initial visit, I could take her from her cage to a dark little cubical that had blankets and furniture, and she would lay down next to me, snuggled up, sometimes with a portable machine to give IV meds. Her sides were shaved and I could feel her heart struggling to push blood through to her body. It jumped and stalled and fluttered. How will she recover from this? I would sit on the floor with her, my hand over her heart willing it to calm.

I prayed to my sister Stephanie to watch over Maia while I was gone, and to comfort her. I didn't want pup to be alone. I imagined Steph there with us, sitting on the floor on the other side of Maia, her hand on Maia's heart, too.

As with her Addison's ICU stay, she hadn't eaten, and barely drank. She would eat snow, and the vets would scoop bowls for her every couple of hours. Such wonderful people. I got her home on the third day, and still no interest in food. Burger, chicken, biscuits, nothing worked.

Day four and she ate a little poached chicken, and was especially interested after I took a few bites. She needs 22 pills every day, so we got wonton wrappers, filled them with her meds, and made slippery med dumplings to shove down her big gullet. Dr. M said we were brilliant.

Day five and more chicken, more dumplings, a biscuit and a couple of short walks! And she continues to improve. She is now eating some kibble, taking big naps, going for 15 minute walks, barking at the neighborhood, even bouncing a bit in anticipation of her walks. I made her a fleece coat to protect her bald spots from the cold (it's -2 today). She is her happy if subdued self.

Her path will have periods of improvement, then dips in health, recovery to a lesser level, dip, recovery, dip, and so on until her heart stops. I hope it's quick and in her sleep. To just drift off, into Stephanie's arms is my hope for her.

schools out!

Woohoo! just finished my last paper and I'm glad to have my evenings back for a bit. I feel so lucky to get to cram more knowledge bits into my feeble brains, and it's even paid for through work.

My next class is supposedly the most difficult of my degree. I've purposefully left it for the winter, when my biggest chore is to move copious amounts of snow off the sidewalks. The long, dark evenings will be easily filled with seeking knowledge. With a capital N.

and this is my dark, sneaky photo of pup, so I don't wake her with annoying flash:

ooo.

and this is my little tree.


my next project is to change my unused small bedroom into a real, true, walk-in closet. What luxury! And I even have all the materials, so no expense. Well, maybe a little paint...

Singing and dancing

I am thrilled. I've been hunkered down for 8 years, and Ive officially un-hunkered. I envy those in Chicago, where I used to live. I would have been in that crowd in a heartbeat. I shed so many tears of relief and admiration last night, and I danced in my tv room, dancing with those Chicago souls and the people in the streets here, and the people across the US who have hope, audacious hope that, in our new president, we have the possibility of redemption in the world's eyes.

A president who speaks beautifully! I actually look forward to him speaking! What a beautiful thing.

Monday night, I was in a shower stall at the community center after my swim, and I heard the high, piping slightly tuneless voice of a small child singing and enjoying the echo chamber of the larger shower room as she showered. "Oh-Baa-Ma! Ooo-baaa-Maaa! I been workin ona railrooad, aalla live long daaaayyy! Ooo-Baaaaaa_Maaaaaaa, ..." repeat ad infinitum. I was tempted to start singing along with her, but I didn't want to freak her out or give her the shys.

I've been singing it all day today, though.