god jul

Not really celebrating this year. Dear sweet Maia-pup has been diagnosed with heart failure, probably endocarditis, an infection in the heart itself. The house is now covered in meds and research and things to treat shaved spots. Maia's health will be a rollercoaster. Her vet says that she could live for weeks or months, and she is doing well for now.

Last week, I came home from visiting my brother, and saw that pup's belly was big, too big. She has an hour-glass figure, and she was filled out to a pear shape. She also had a cough, a hard, percussive panting that just sounded off. I called the vet, and they had me bring her in, fearing bloat. After an x-ray, they saw that it was not bloat, but her heart was enlarged, and her abdomen was filled with fluid. The fluid was pushing on her lungs and organs, putting huge stress on them.

We raced to the University Vet where we'd been for her Addison's diagnosis and countless other visits. Into the ER, her heart rate was 260, she was shocky, and they started treatment. Everything blurred, I waited for the vet to come back with more information.

Heart failure. Into ICU for more tests and stabilization. Typically a very shortened life. Lots of meds. I could visit that evening.

When I came back, they gave me an update. They had drained 4.4 liters of fluid from her belly. Her mitral valve was damaged. She had a fever, so it was most probably endocarditis, and an even shorter prognosis: weeks, maybe a month or two. She is 8, a senior citizen. I gave my permission for do not resuscitate. This was real.

I sat with her at her cage in ICU that first night. She was hooked up to monitors and tubes, her coat was a patchwork of shaved spots so the machines could do their work. She felt so bad. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, trying to bring her back.

I spoke with Dr. M about how important it was for her to have quality of life. Will she have her life back? Will she enjoy food and walks and naps and barking at the world again? Dr. M said that at that point, there was still hope. The next day or two would tell us.

When I visited her, after that initial visit, I could take her from her cage to a dark little cubical that had blankets and furniture, and she would lay down next to me, snuggled up, sometimes with a portable machine to give IV meds. Her sides were shaved and I could feel her heart struggling to push blood through to her body. It jumped and stalled and fluttered. How will she recover from this? I would sit on the floor with her, my hand over her heart willing it to calm.

I prayed to my sister Stephanie to watch over Maia while I was gone, and to comfort her. I didn't want pup to be alone. I imagined Steph there with us, sitting on the floor on the other side of Maia, her hand on Maia's heart, too.

As with her Addison's ICU stay, she hadn't eaten, and barely drank. She would eat snow, and the vets would scoop bowls for her every couple of hours. Such wonderful people. I got her home on the third day, and still no interest in food. Burger, chicken, biscuits, nothing worked.

Day four and she ate a little poached chicken, and was especially interested after I took a few bites. She needs 22 pills every day, so we got wonton wrappers, filled them with her meds, and made slippery med dumplings to shove down her big gullet. Dr. M said we were brilliant.

Day five and more chicken, more dumplings, a biscuit and a couple of short walks! And she continues to improve. She is now eating some kibble, taking big naps, going for 15 minute walks, barking at the neighborhood, even bouncing a bit in anticipation of her walks. I made her a fleece coat to protect her bald spots from the cold (it's -2 today). She is her happy if subdued self.

Her path will have periods of improvement, then dips in health, recovery to a lesser level, dip, recovery, dip, and so on until her heart stops. I hope it's quick and in her sleep. To just drift off, into Stephanie's arms is my hope for her.

schools out!

Woohoo! just finished my last paper and I'm glad to have my evenings back for a bit. I feel so lucky to get to cram more knowledge bits into my feeble brains, and it's even paid for through work.

My next class is supposedly the most difficult of my degree. I've purposefully left it for the winter, when my biggest chore is to move copious amounts of snow off the sidewalks. The long, dark evenings will be easily filled with seeking knowledge. With a capital N.

and this is my dark, sneaky photo of pup, so I don't wake her with annoying flash:

ooo.

and this is my little tree.


my next project is to change my unused small bedroom into a real, true, walk-in closet. What luxury! And I even have all the materials, so no expense. Well, maybe a little paint...