a little hope

I’ve received word that novartis has their new supply ready to send out, and that they are taking steps to prevent it from happening again. Initially, I had a huge rush of relief! Florinef was not going to be a good choice for pup, since it has some of the prednisone activity in the med – pup is so sensitive to it, that as a long-term choice, it wouldn’t have been good. I had even begun thinking of ways to wear her out, so she’d use up the pred – long walks, lots of playdates, anything so she wouldn’t get over-predded. Then i realized, vets will get their supply first, then the distributors, so when would i get my order? I’d rather get pup’s next shot from the vet than do the florinef, and then get her stuff from my supplier. more questions for dr.m.

I’ve also joined a yahoogroup of Addison dog owners – lots of knowledge there. Just to have the resource available is a comfort – I’m on super-mom-worry mode most of the time because there are so many unknowns. I know they’ll be a great resource.

Pup as been blissfully unaware of all of this – she has been happy and bouncy. Although sometimes she’ll barf if she gets too much excitement near eating time, she’s been great. A playdate yesterday – we finished my retaining wall! Big thanks to t & mb and b – wonderful friends, all. I have a little finishing work to do, which will keep me off the streets, and it will be beautiful. Lots of flowers, and no lawn to mow on the vertical! Woohoo! And I am feeling my age – all that lifting and digging and I’m walking like an old woman. and now i'm off to do more! i do love digging around and getting dirty. everyone should be so lucky.

fighting, fighting.

i am now experiencing the nightmare of Backordered Percorten-V, the stuff that keeps my sweet fuzzy faced girl alive, fer crying in the ketchup. there isn't any. i was lucky, i had a few ml's left from a previous vial, and was able to buy a ml from the vet, so pup will get her full shot this month. now we look at getting her onto Florinef, a pill form. i panicked when i began researching it - 3 or 4 sites had it listed as $1.39 per pill, and because it is given by weight, pup would need 9 pills a day. that's right, it would take about $375 a month to keep pup alive, not including her other meds, food and checkups, god forbid she have any more infections or emergencies. as i was seeing my financial future go further down the toilet, i happened onto a canadian site that carries Florinef for, get this, $0.29 cents a pill!! or somewhere around there. and so we go into a new adventure of finding ways to shove nine pills down pup's throat every day for the rest of her life. and figuring out the transition, and when her bloodwork should be checked now, side effects, and on... luckily, dr. m is back (and swamped) but i've played phone tag with her and she knows of my situation and wants pup to get on florinef now. i bet sales of that will skyrocket now.

this is my question, and it's a tiny one, really: how can a company not make a life-saving drug, from which they reap big profits? i know they are a for-profit business. i know drug companies are a necessary evil in our lives. and i know they don't give a shit about our precious pups and how far we will go to keep them safe and healthy. but they make the stuff - can there be a world-wide shortage of pivilate? or maybe they need to borrow a cup of desoxy?? or maybe the guy with the recipe left in a huff over being overlooked again for that promotion and a bigger cube - I DON"T CARE. MAKE THE DAMN MEDICATION. idiots.

i contacted Novartis, the manufacturer, and asked them why they were backordered, asked them to please hurry up and make it again. wonder if i'll hear from them...

i'm ready to have a boring, rut-filled life. i'm ready for pup to sleep by me on the couch, relaxed and satisfied by her easy, healthy life. i'm ready. my latest hopes: that pup will react well to the new meds, that she will learn to love having things shoved down her throat, that i will learn not to worry about things before they happen.

i have never fought so much as i have lately. for my pup, for my home, for my neighborhood, my world. i must be getting old, because i don't care what people think anymore. i know myself better than ever, and i will continue on that path, becoming more and more assured in my actions and beliefs. i will not be bullied anymore, i will not be afraid all the time. maybe it just took something worth fighting for.

peace, you big world, you.

some puzzlements

pup has 6 more days of antibiotics, out of 21. yikes, but that's a lot of pills. her symptoms have lifted, although she had her first incontinence yesterday in a good 3 months. she was also run down - gave her a little pred, and she's better today.

my heart freezes every time she has any symptom. my imagination goes skyrocketing into the nightmare of ICU and tubes and resistant bacteria and stones, and i know my worry vibes go straight into her so that i can't tell what is her reacting to me, and what is her just feeling crappy. i must learn to ease up on the worry thing. right. easy.

still hot, but not blistering like it was a few weeks ago. she's going through ice like crazy - keeps her hydrated nicely, plus flushes out her system of more beasties. we're relaxing in the air conditioning today.

i found a treasure in my own backyard this weekend! minnesota has a ga-jillion parks all over the place, and one is only 6 miles from my house! i explored saturday morning, 7am, and hiked a great 3.7 mile trail through prairie and woods, around a lake. that's my kind of gym! lots of other trails, too, and beautifully kept. there are horse trails and bike trails, and all of them ski trails in the winter, so i'm definitely getting those cross country skis i've been wanting! i'll keep checking craigslist for equipment.

the best way for me to get myself back is a quiet hike in the woods. i'd take pup along, but the deer ticks are probably everywhere out there, and lyme would be dangerous for her. maybe in the winter, on the regular hiking trails, but i think i want this mostly for my own.

sometimes i have to convince myself it's ok to be a little selfish so i can take care of other people better. i wonder why i feel so guilty about doing something i love so much? gotta get over that!

working on getting photos on here. my system at home is too tiny, so i may use m's or maybe mine at work after hours, if they say ok. working at a big company has it's advantages, as long as you got approvals...

xxoo.