just a little quiet

just got back from a beautiful weekend away. we go to this great lodge about 5 hours away, so far from city lights that every star is visible, and the milky way looks more like cream. we took pup along, and on a couple of our nocturnal walks, i saw shooting stars! i sometimes wish i could live in the country - the quiet, being closer to natural rhythms, the quiet, the quiet, and did i mention the quiet? heavenly.

i have a love/hate relationship with quiet. i adore the way lack of noise throbs against my head when i finally find it, the way i can feel it fill up the space around me like expandable insulation foam. i love to sit and think about everything and nothing, i love to be with those really good friends who let silence come and go naturally.

however, in my home, i do my best to banish it. i have radios all over the house, all programmed to the same station (npr, what a liberal) and they play 24/7. at night, i have a fan going all year long in the bedroom for white noise to sleep to. i have the tv on every evening, even if i'm not watching.

from a practical standpoint, the constant noise keeps pup from constantly barking, or so i once thought. i think i find all the voices reassuring, too, and it makes the house less lonely.

while we were away, there was no constant radio, no fan, no voices except for our own. and pup didn't bark more than usual, and i wasn't lonely, and i slept like a rock. the daily hikes probably helped that, too!

and so, an experiment; i will turn off all of my radios, the tv, the fan, and see if i can sit with only my thoughts, my voice, and pup's barks. i will try to find the peace i always find away in nature, and bring it closer to me, into my home and maybe even into me. we'll see how long it lasts.